WHY DID YOU BECOME A CELEBRANT?

When my husband and I got married in 2006 we were already parents to our twins George and Thomas and wanted to have a wedding that truly reflected us so we chose to have a celebrant. She was incredible. We were married on the grounds of my in-laws country house in Yorkshire with our 170 guests sitting on bales of hay sipping Pimms. I walked down the aisle to The Smiths, (Please, please, please let me get what I want) and we were married under an arch of sunflowers which represented a dear friend of mine who had recently passed away aged just 30 to breast cancer. It was the most beautiful ceremony, short and sweet, no readings or poetry, just some simple vows, and we danced back up the aisle to the song Family Affair.

Two years later in 2008 my husband Guy and I sadly lost our third son James to an unexpected stillbirth. Having carried my son for 9 months it was a profoundly painful, shocking and life changing period in our lives. Looking back, I am so proud of the choices we made and can’t help but feel that these difficult decisions we were forced to make helped us with our grieving process. We collected James ourselves from St Thomas’s Hospital and drove our son on his final journey to Danby on the North Yorkshire Moors where we chose a beautiful churchyard where distant relatives are buried. A lovely vicar who understood our needs and accepted that neither of us had a religious faith, allowed us to bury James on an existing grave and add his name and date of birth/death to the headstone.

The night before my father in law and my husband dug the grave. We used a local funeral director for that night to have James and I was taken aback by their kindness, sensitivity and the gift of a beautiful whicker coffin. It seemed so fitting that on the day we buried our son, it was just the three of us present. We didn’t have a ceremony. My husband buried him, we spoke to him, held him and as a grieving mother I needed to have that space and privacy for my guttural emotions.

Twelve years on and I have weaved the experience of losing a child into my life. James gave me compassion, real empathy and an inner strength I didn’t know I had. I have gained a more profound understanding of what it is to be a mother and giving birth again to my youngest son William was one of the most meaningful moments of my life. I have been a parent speaker on training days with Sands at local hospitals to help midwives, sonographers and doctors learn how to support bereaved parents. I have read poetry, performed readings and as a professional singer have sung many a song over the years at memorials, Lights of Love and remembrance events across the UK and it is deeply rewarding to be able to give back what I can.

I asked myself when I trained to be a celebrant whether I would emotionally be able to officiate a ceremony for a stillborn baby or indeed any child and my answer is an overwhelming yes. Having worked as an actress in the West End for over 20 years I am used to separating my emotions. I firmly believe I can offer a very understanding and compassionate service.

WHO DID YOU TRAIN WITH? WHAT DID YOU THINK OF YOUR TRAINING?

I trained with the Institute of Professional Celebrants. I thought the residential course which was on 16th-20th December 2019 was outstanding and met my high expectations and I enjoyed the written coursework which I recently completed to soon obtain the NCON level 3 certificate in Funeral/Wedding celebrancy qualification. IPC honestly feels like a family unit.

WHAT DO YOU THINK MAKES A GOOD CELEBRANT?

Being able to listen openly, to be understanding, non-judgmental, to support, encourage and be compassionate. Well organized, smartly presented, calm, respectful, emotionally intelligent, reliable, self-motivated, professional, discreet, reassuring, empathetic, friendly responsive, sensitive interviewing skills, to be a good writer who can accurately, concisely and grammatically correct, effectively and honestly deliver a eulogy/service that truly reflects the person being honored. A good confident speaking voice. A good working relationship with FD/crematorium staff. To genuinely want to provide a good funeral, break taboos and to care for my clients and have a desire to improve the quality of funerals through offering choice and giving alternatives to consider. I believe I have all these qualities. 

ONE Of MY FAVOURITE POEMS

IF I BE THE FIRST OF US TO DIE by Nicholas Evans

If I be the first of us to die,

Let grief not blacken long your sky,

Be bold yet modest in your grieving,

There is a change but not a leaving,

For just as death is part of life

The dead live on forever in the living,

And all the gathered riches of our journey

The moments shared, the mysteries explored

The steady layering of intimacy stored

The things that made us laugh or weep or sing

The joy of sunlit snow or first unfurling of the spring

The wordless language of look and touch,

The knowing,

Each giving and each taking

These are not flowers that fade

Nor trees that fall and crumble

Nor are the stone,

For even stone cannot the wind and rain withstand

And mighty mountain peaks in time reduce to sand.

What we were, we are.

What we had, we have.

A conjoined past imperishably present

So when you walk the wood where once we walked together

And scan in vain the dappled bank beside you for my shadow,

Or pause where we always did

upon the hill to gaze across the land

And spotting something, reach by habit for my hand

And finding none, feel sorrow start to steal upon you,

Be still. Close your eyes. Breathe

Listen for my footfall in your heart

I am not gone but merely walk within you.